I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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