i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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