she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
