I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
