Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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