I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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