you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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