ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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