I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
