I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
