wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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