The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
