Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
