hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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