i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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