Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
