I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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