Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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