I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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