That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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