why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
