And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
