awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
