Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
