so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
