I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
