mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
