I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have aggressive nipples.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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