Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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