I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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