he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
