I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
