Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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