I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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