he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dick very happy bro
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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