Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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