her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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