I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
3 2 1 whiskey
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
