girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
