Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"it" just moved
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
