It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
