Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize