that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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