she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
