the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
