If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
