Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it hurts more in the daytime
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
