just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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