Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
