either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You left your phone here
Wait...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
