OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
