i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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