that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize