Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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