my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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