I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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