Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
