I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
