i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you had me at cake vodka
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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