Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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