is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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