was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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